majiksznak

Trust the Germans to come up with a perfume that smells like... the scent of a woman. In case that wasn't clear enough, the perfume is called "Vulva". Additional scents coming soon: "Exotic" and "Eighteen".

Good Lord!

Boy On A Stick and Slither is an awesome webcomic. Here's their comment on general attitudes towards science.

Andy, Artoo, and I have compiled a list of derogatory terms you can use to address your waiter or waitress:

• buckaroo
• champ
• chief
• tiger
• slugger
• kiddo
• girl
• boy
• garçon
• hero
• buddy
• friend
• pal
• amigo
• (first initial)-dawg, (first initial)-rock, (first initial)-man, or even (first initial)-crew
• bub
• sarge
• sargeant service
• Jeeves
• lieutenant
• admiral
• captain
• rear admiral refill, then later shorten to "refill"
• refill (this one is extra demeaning when just used right off the bat)
• captain refill
• killer
• guv'ner
• ace
• rookie
• cowboy
• rockstar (halfway through, "can I just call you Rock?")
• cousin, or cuz'
• son
• big cheese
• big guns
• shooter
• scooter
• gunner
• boss
• general
• commander
• skipper
• swami
• coach
• maestro
• doc, doctor
• hoss
• tex
• brother
• chum
• main man
• daddy-o
• hollywood (for a glitzy type of person)
• soldier
• superstar
• lil' lady
• sunshine
• muffin
• sugar-muffins
• peach
• princess
• trooper
• honcho
• fella
• kid
• buster
• boy wonder

You can also use terms that refer directly to physical characteristics of your waiter, such as:

• tubby
• stretch
• blondie
• ginger
• red
• sideburns
• tank
• cueball

Terms reserved for when you choose to appear very belligerent:

• winner
• genius

You can also pick a name that is close, but not quite their actual name. This is particularly effective if they have a name tag, and even better if they had to scribble their name on your table in crayon. See how many variants you can come up with before you "give up" and switch to something like "slugger" or "tiger".

Extra points for taking control of the situation. The only words they should be able to get out of their mouth are, "My name is [name] and I'll be..."

You: "That's great! I'm going to call you [choose a nickname]."

Alternately: "Mind if I call you Champ? [do not pause for answer] Listen, Champ, I'm going to need a Joey-sized Bellini. Thanks, friend!"

Coming soon: a list of useful phrases you can use on wait staff you have previously belittled using the above terms.

Noooo! Will Arnett is the new voice of KITT. I love Will Arnett, but come on! What next? Is the theme song going to be "The Final Countdown"?

Machine to detect the ether drift.

I made the mistake of thinking I could pop by Future Shop and pick up an XBox 360. I made this mistake by looking at the Boxing Day flyers and failing to see any good deals. Turns out the meagre offerings were enough to lure in a herd of shoppers...

Today, Future Shop smells like a locker room. The veritable cornucopia of sweaty stenches is enough to push you right out the door. If not that, the hour-long lineups will take care of it. Yuck.

From an actual game of Scrabulous that I'm playing with Jason. I'd like to point out that the only word I'm responsible for is "ornate".

Merry Christmas, y'all!

The trailer for Hellboy II looks very promising.

Easily the most tasteless headline I've ever seen: "Ike 'beats' Tina to death".

Baby pandas wrestling!

Dude sings acoustic cover of "Hey Ya" by Outkast.

Man turns himself blue. Awesome!

A couple of relationship videos:

• How to be the perfect boyfriend
• How to be the perfect girlfriend

2007's worst band names, according to the Onion AV Club.

I don't know: I think SuperHeavyGoatAss is a good band name. And I'm actually familiar with Shitdisco.

The old KITT was a Trans Am. The new KITT is a mustang.

Breakdancing fingers. Actually pretty awesome.

You think you're a mess? Check out this unfortunate soul's list of fears.

Silverware Usage: The origins of this date back in my early elementary school days. It probably started in 2nd grade, perhaps 1st grade or even kindergarten. The cause is unknown. Basically, I will not use any silverware except a specific type with a particular design and shape.

The Speed Racer live action movie trailer looks awesome. In case you didn't know, it's being directed by the Wachowski Brothers.

Bad news. We're getting our own DMCA-like law. You can still write / call in to try to stop it before it's too late...

Oh, that's not good...

Store in New York offers "Hanukkah Hams"...

Dan Savage Tricks his Readers. Hilarious!

This 3.5" Floppy-styled CD is the best thing ever.

Maury Povich tortures a poor woman who is afraid of chickens. What an ass!

Ducktoy is a ridiculous music video that made me laugh.